MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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