we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
