Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
