Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
