Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
