i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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