I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Holy sore nipples Batman
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
