Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
