So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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