you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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