just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
