She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
