Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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