KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
