I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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