After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
