why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
