I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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