Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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