My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
