Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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