i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
