remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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