The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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