Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
