She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
