Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
