next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
