Dude my mom stole all your condoms
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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