dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
