When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
