so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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