may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
