I got chris browned last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
