omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
