remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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