I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
