Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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