are you still at the devil's house?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
