When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
