It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
