If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
