Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
