Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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