She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
