were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
