The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
