Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
