I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Terrible idea I love it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
