So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
