Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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