what day is it and did you see me today?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
