oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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