two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
