He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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