ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
