True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize