I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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