so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
